maior e longinquo reverentia [translation]

Mongo: San Francisco needs its own superhero.

Bernice: What, we're not enough?

Mongo: I do not dispute that we are mighty, but I'm thinking more in the fictional sense. Gotham has Batman, Metropolis has Superman, New York City has Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, and every other Marvel character who has nothing better to do than hang out on the East Coast, but San Francisco?

Bernice: The Teen Titans Tower sprouts from San Francisco Bay!

Mongo: — but when do their adventures ever actually take place in San Francisco?

Bernice: ...

Mongo: Exactly. I can't think of any occasion where they have, either. I also know of the protagonist in Less Than Hero, whose adventures definitely take place in San Francisco. The Punk fit the city fairly well, I thought.

Bernice: Ah, so it's not just about a hometown hero, there also has to be a "good fit"?

Mongo: If I'm casting for the role, yes.

Bernice: Well, let's see — what makes for a good San Francisco superhero? Our buildings are probably too short for a Batman or Spider-Man style of mobility, using the height of buildings as their urban Tarzan routines.

Mongo: True enough. And I don't think a flying hero would suit the nature of the city.

Bernice: A flashy automobile wouldn't really work, either. Perhaps a super-powered bike messenger?

Mongo: Ooh yeah, I like that! Does his power come from the bike, or from within?

Bernice: "His"??

Mongo: What? You didn't say "bike messenger...ess".

Bernice: ...

Mongo: What?

Bernice: But maybe this has been done already. Dark Angel was a bike messenger in post-apocalyptic Seattle. Her abilities were supplied by the current trends in venture capital, even.

Mongo: Damn you, James Cameron!!

Bernice: We don't want to just copy Seattle's established superheroine.

Mongo: Yeah. [pause] And I never said superheroine, so "he" was just fine! Ha! Ow!

Bernice: So: no cycling, swinging, or souped-up automobile. No flying, and no stealing from other localities.

Mongo: I feel like I should be writing all this down.

Bernice: — it seems we're just left with speedsters like Flash or Quicksilver.

Mongo: Superpowers that involve ready water transit would be valuable here as well. Maybe I shouldn't rule out the flying types — I could see Sub-Mariner doing pretty okay in San Francisco, especially with his occasional ecological bent.

Bernice: What about drawing on the sizeable gay population? Perhaps have a brick-style hero named "The Bear", kinda like Mastadon from D.P.7?

Mongo: Mastadon was gay??

Bernice: Well, no, but he definitely fit the big and hairy part well.

Mongo: True. I was thinking along similar lines, but I just envision the situation of: Crime in progress, and "The Bear" steps around the corner, points majestically and loudly proclaims, "Halt, miscreant!" The bad guy runs, and "The Bear" huffs and puffs trying to catch up, but eventually just lets the baddie get away.

Bernice: Just because that big guy tried picking up on you that one time is no reason to —

Mongo: Look, I've said this a million times, I'm NOT A HOMOPHOBE!

Bernice: — you should just take it as the compliment it was meant as and move on in life, Mongo.

Mongo: Plus, the gay population isn't the sum total of the city. I don't disagree that the rogue's gallery for our hero would need to be drawn from the diverse populace, it just seems like gay superheroes are getting a little cliché, is all.

Bernice: Uh-huh.

Mongo: Maybe the best superhero for San Francisco would be "The Obsessive Hipster", who attacks his foe The Unconsidered Life with great gusto and verve as he drives useless topics deep into the earth with his ceaseless barrage of barely-educated musings!

Bernice: Well, step on up to the counter and claim your title, then!

Last updated by eric Thu May 18 21:17 2006 | omission | link