Smoffing the Filkers

Once a jolly filker volunteering for a con,
Said to the Chair, "Is there work for me?" ["Hah!"]
He told her, "We've no filking, so if you want some, Make It So."
Who'll come a-smoffing the filkers with me?

[CHORUS] Smoffing the filkers, smoffing the filkers, Who'll come a-smoffing the filkers with me? He told her, "We've no filking, so if you want some, Make It So." Who'll come a-smoffing the filkers with me?

Five weeks before the con, looking at the blocking chart,
"Where is the concert promised to me?"
"Concert? What concert? Maybe we can squeeze it in."
Who'll come a-smoffing the filkers with me?

Two days to go,      Scheduling remarked to her:
"We needed your space to show Robocop 3;
We've moved you to the Club Room, opposite the disco bar."
Who'll come a-smoffing the filkers with me?

Standing at the front desk, she asked as she was checking in,
"Is there a message waiting for me?"
"Your Filker Guest is here, but his luggage is in Singapore."
Who'll come a-smoffing the filkers with me?

The sound tech at the concert was able and experienced.
"I can relax for an hour," thought she,
Until a running gopher fell into the microphones.
Who'll come a-smoffing the filkers with me?

After the Dead Dog, our weary filker staggered home,
Slept solid hours twenty and three.
And said to her fellow fen, "I'm never doing that again
Till you come a-smoffing the filkers with me!"

The moral of this story hasn't much to do with filk:
Con volunteers learn invariably
That smoffing for a con is like juggling bees and herding cats
And playing the flute simultaneously.

[FINAL CHORUS]
Smoffing the filkers, smoffing the filkers,
Who'll come a-smoffing the filkers with me?
Smoffing for a con is like juggling bees and herding cats
And playing the flute simultaneously.

* "Banjo" Paterson: Yes, indeedy, this "traditional" old song has a known author.