The Real(?) World Temperance Union

A Korean baseball player has been censured
For keeping cabbage underneath his hat.
He says that a biographer had mentioned
Babe Ruth would keep his cool by doing that.
And so, to ensure the playing field is level,
The Korean Baseball Association said,
"Avoid this foreign substance like the devil."
Perhaps he should have used kimchee instead!

  Give thanks for the day that baseball outlawed cabbage.
  If they hadn't, just imagine where we'd be.
  Why, you might see them growing it in the bullpen!
  So join us in keeping our stadiums cabbage-free.

The Belgians and the French are locked in combat,
The future of all Europe is at stake.
For each of them is morally convinced that
The other's kind of chocolate is a fake.
The Belgians like a sweeter combination,
The French, a higher percentage of cacao,
But both agree that this abomination
Called "Hershey's", Europe never can allow!

  Give thanks for the day we banned each others' chocolate.
  If we hadn't, just imagine where we'd be.
  Why, gringos might be drinking xocolatl!
  So join us in keeping our choc-o-late import-free.

New Yorkers, as we know, are always hurried
And grab their breakfast on the way to work,
But now it seems the MTA is worried:
What happens if the train stops with a jerk?
    [spoken:] No, not that guy next to you!
The riders, though, are telling them to stick it
Wherever it will cause the greatest pain,
For they are not prepared to get a ticket
For drinking coffee on a subway train!

  Give thanks for the day the subway outlawed coffee.
  If they hadn't, just imagine where we'd be.
  New Yorkers would be hypercaffeinated!
  So join us in keeping the "A" train caffeine-free.

 [Coda:*]
 Take it off the "A" train,
 You can drink it when you get to Harlem.