My Grandfather's Hat

My grandfather's hat was too large for his head
So it sat sixty years on the shelf.
It was given to him on the day he was wed
By the great Albert Einstein himself.
And it gave him a charge, though 'twas relatively large,
And in spite of my grandmother's cries,
To wear - it - on their anniversary,
Though it covered his ears and his eyes.

    "Here is your coffee, dear."
    Oops, splash, oops, crash.
    "Marie, bring the mop in here."
    Oops, splash, oops, crash.
    He wore - it - on their anniversary,
    Though it covered his ears and his eyes.

On Sundays they'd go for a stroll by the bay
And kiss on the spot where they'd met.
But when May 27th fell on a Sunday
Grandma prayed for the day to be wet.
For he'd step in each hole and collide with every pole,
And though she was much smaller than him,
She'd stay - between - him and the bay
Because gramps never learned how to swim.

    "Look out for the trash can, dear."
    Bump, bang, thump, clang.
    "Stop! It's the water here!"
    Bump, bang, thump, clang.
    She stayed - between - gramps and the bay
    Because gramps never learned how to swim.

When war was declared he was willing to go,
Though his back and his eyesight were bad.
And although she was scared, grandma couldn't say no,
So she just felt anxious and sad.
But by luck or by fate it was on that special date
That he had to report for the draft.
And grand- ma - said the hat saved his life
When the Army recruiters all laughed.

    "He's nuts!" "It's a scandal!"
    Crash, bump, splash, thump.
    "4-F, this guy's mental!"
    Crash, bump, splash, thump.
    Grand- ma - said the hat saved his life
    When the Army recruiters all laughed.

At age 83, grandpa's dying request
Was to bury him next to his wife
With the hat that he'd had since the day that she blessed
Him by joining herself to his life.
So we laid him to rest, hands folded on his breast,
And the hat laid athwart his crown,
But it took - four - hours and a half
To get him into the ground.

    "Look out for the doorway!"
    Bump, BASH! Thump, CRASH!
    "Now it's tipping your way!"
    Bump, BASH! Thump, CRASH!
    It took - four - hours and a half
    To get grandpa into the ground.