I Was Born a Hundred Thousand Filks Ago

I was `born a hundred thousand filks ago.
There ain't `nothin' about filk that I don't know.
I got `Gernsback and the Muses
        drunk on `Dionysus' boozes;
It `must be true, 'cause I just said it's so!

Frank `Hayes was trying to write about a cat.
He `asked me, "Wild and lean, or tame and fat?"
I sug`gested fierce and wiry,
        he `said, "Did you say 'fiery'?"...
And I `guess you know what happened after that.

Chorus from "Never Set the Cat on Fire", Frank Hayes

I `gave young Dr. Jane a fossil bone,
Con`vinced Paul Shuch that We Are Not Alone,
I was `there the night Bill Sutton
        told Duane `Elms, "Don't push that button!
That's the `mainframe that I'm building on my own."

Chorus from "Do It Yourself", Bill Sutton

I told `Mulligan to sing his histories,
I taught `Filthy Pierre the ticklin' of the keys,
And when I `travel back in time,
        and he `hears this little rhyme,
`Steven Brust will steal this song from me!

[Spoken:] And he'll sing:

(Chorus from "I Was Born About A Million Songs Ago", Steven Brust:*)
I was `born about a million songs ago,
I'm the `guy what first invented rock-n-roll.
I saw `Peter, Paul, and Mary
    singing "Puff, the Magic Fairy",
And I'll `dose the guy that doesn't like my show!

I showed `Golias the way to pluck a string.
I in`vented the obloidal chaos ring.
And in `Lunaburg one night,
        after `Rhysling lost his sight,
I `had Hugh Valland teach him how to sing.

Chorus from "Green Hills of Earth", Heinlein/Bernstein**

I `watched Poul bounce potatoes off the floor,
Tasted `sentient chili once, but never more!
And when I `ordered pizza with
          some guy who `said his name was Smith
The de`liv-e-ry truck drove right through the door!

Chorus from "Domino Death", Tom Smith

[repeat verse 1:]
    I was `born a hundred thousand filks ago.
    There ain't `nothin' about filk that I don't know.
    I got `Gernsback and the Muses
        drunk on `Dionysus' boozes;
    It `must be true, 'cause I just said it's so!