The Discworld/Dragaera Musical Miscegenation of Doom

The decadent Phoenix is ready for fun,
For drinking or drugs or an old-fashioned brawl
Or a roll in the hay by the front or the bum
But the Phoenix Reborn can't be buggered at all.
        Roll them all over the whole Cycle 'round,
        The Phoenix reborn can't be buggered at all.

The Dragon will always be ready to duel
But you have to be sure that the terms are your call.
Let him give the challenge, then you name the tool!
But the Phoenix Reborn can't be buggered at all.
        Roll...

The Lyorn will chronicle every last drink,
The duration, the place, and the time of each fall.
Bring a good sturdy pen and a horn full of ink.
But...

The Tiassa is ready to offer his bum;
In fact, he's already expecting your call.
He knows when you're coming -- and knows when you'll come --
But...

The Hawk is far-sighted and always on watch.
He'll know what you want while you're too far to call
By the gleam in your eye and the bulge in your crotch
But...

When you visit the Dzur, bring a friend and a brother
Or two, or you'll only be wasting your call:
For fewer than three it just ain't worth his bother--
But...

The Issola politely will offer his back.
He never will say you're too big or too small.
But later you'll yield to his counterattack
But...

After eight or nine rounds with the Tsalmoth, you might
With good reason expect to be hitting the wall,
But you'll find you stay up for the rest of the night--
But...

The Vallista can deal with the biggest of men.
He'll demolish your tower, no matter how tall,
Then he'll start at the base and erect it again
But...

The Jhereg will probably give you his best
Although at a price __ that's apt to appal:
A piece of your action with all of the rest!
But...

The Iorich with justice is mainly concerned.
He'll take all you've got till your pump starts to stall,
But then he'll insist that the tables be turned,
While...

Beware of the traps the Chreotha has set
To catch the unwary who into them fall
Or, if you like bondage, jump straight in his net
But...

The Yendi will never do what you expect.
If you look in the yard, he'll be over the wall.
When you go to the wall, he'll turn UP right beHIND you,
AND the ...

The Orca is tough, if he sails true to form,
And he may make you feel like a chip in a squall.
But you know what they say: Any port in a storm,
And...

The Teckla, of course, will be certain to yield
But he does have his pride, as you should recall
Or he's apt to complain of your plowing his field
And...

If you find the Jhegaala the finest of men,
Pursue him at once, never stop, never stall,
For you know that he'll change, but you never know when
And...

The Athyra will likely suspect your intent
So apologize first, for your brashness and gall,
But you're begging his help with an EXperiMENT.
But...

You will never win over the Phoenix reborn,
So find consolation in having a ball:
On the last night take all of the others in turn!
For...