Christmas Pickles

Each year as the Chri$tmas season approaches, I find the honest sentiments of many people, believers and otherwise, largely swamped by commercialism and, worst of all, too much Christmas music on the radio and in public places.

For years I have immunized myself by writing contrarian carols, or "Christmas pickles". Here are some of them, including some non-pickly non-Christmasy seasonal songs.

• Branches on the Lawn. A small suburban tragedy.
• Christmas at the Mall. Only 364 shopping days left!
• Count Vorvlaceslav. Lois McMaster Bujold's Barrayar transforms "Good King Wenceslas".
• Deck the Aisles. You wouldn't believe what the supermarkets look like leading up to Christmas! Well, yes you would, but only because you've seen it too.
• Don't Throw That Missile!. Loki and Baldur.
• Frostbite the Goblin. What happens when snowmen go bad.
• The Nerds' Wassail. My reconstruction/rewrite of Christy Tillman's "Nerd Carol".
• Ophidian Carol. A serpentine devotion.
• Rudolph the Red-Eyed Vampire. A Hallowe'en carol.
• A Solstice Carol. You know the tune, but you don't have to be Christian to join in wholeheartedly.
• The Seven Days of Creation. An old, old story.
• When Cons Come To New England. When's that, you may ask. In January (Arisia) and February (Boskone). And any other time of year, as the song relates.
• Xcess Carols. As I said above, too much Xma$ music.

last modified 2010-12-24. That's right, Erev ☧mas
Actually 2010-12-29,
but that was so much fun to put in
that I'm leaving it there.