kristuphil.com

New comic and classy tee!

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 18:01:06 PDT

GMF has added a new T-Shirt to their already daunting and horrific clothing arsenal! You can "buy" it now—but only if you're Not Raped!

And if that isn't enough (though it is), Fustian Publishing has put up the entire first issue of COMEDIX, a brand new "comedy" anthology comic book by some of the most expensive talents in the industry! Don't let the page count fool you—this is the full comic!

NOTICE: Warning Labels Missing from Pillows

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 10:58:48 PDT

We have recently been made aware that our entire inventory of M-T Heartz™ pillows left our warehouse without the warning labels being attached. Since the safety of our customers and compliance with the law are two of our highest priorities, we have decided that providing the warning label here is in our best interest. If you have purchased one of these products, please print out a copy of the label below and glue it to your refrigerator.

On a related note, we have just uncovered a large quantity of generic warning labels that we are willing to let go for an insanely reasonable price. They are suitable for various household products, such as rope or jars, with little or no modification, and were not made from cats. To make an offer, please call 1-800-KRISTUPHIL, P.O. Box 2323, Maryland, VA.

Additionally, we have added an About link on the header that will explain a little more about who we are and what we want.

Three (3) New Shits!

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 17:54:15 PST

It's not like it's a big deal or anything, but Günter Münty Fütwear just put out three (3) new T-shirts for you to, what, buy? There's the likely misnamed T(t) = T(T(t)) Tee for those of you looking to bulk up! But what about the kids? The Tee Tee will float their boat or you'll be out $50! And what's this? A third shirt?!? Yes, it's the I (fish) NY Tee, which spreads Christianity (among other things) while you wear it by virtue of it being stained by the blood of Chris! Intestinal bleeding on your clothes! Happens occasionally at those other guys, but always at kristuphil.com!

RoBoston: Exclusive* Video!

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 09:39:21 PST

We have obtained by way of video camera definitive proof of the existence of a Robosapien in Boston, on ice! This video was recorded by one kind of camera (a video camera, no photos), and was all taken at one time (no editing, and specifically no green screen effects). The significance of this undeniably video is not to be missed! We are risking the corruption of this very website's (poorly-coded) "back end" by embedding this video, so you know we mean it!

Proof, I say! Of this thing here!

^*Exclusive to the Internet.

Announcing the Grand Opening of Günter Münty Fütwear!

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 09:25:28 PDT

Günter Münty Fütwear is the division of kristuphil, inc. responsible for the generation of random crap to sell, and we have just added a section to this site "designed" to showcase their (our) unique vision.

It may not seem like much yet, and that will probably never change, but maybe, just maybe. And that's what really matters. Hope. We are all about hope. We don't want to die at all.

And to celebrate, we've decided to allow public access. Now you, yes, even a lowly consumer like yourself, can experience the excitement that is the MüntyBoot^* in the comfort of your own home. All products shown are(n't) available from the kristuphil.com Online Shopping System™, just like everything from our other divisions like Fustian Publishing and the other stuff we tell you is for sale.

And don't complain about it not being funny or about it being not funny because it's not supposed to be funny. It's totally for reals.

^*MüntyBoot™ no longer available.

Special: Buy 3 Get 1 SALE!

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 15:39:34 PDT

To commemorate the 10th anniversary of the end of September, we at kristuphil.com are having a "Buy 3 Get 1" Sale™! You buy three (3) of them by the above mentioned expiry date (at our regular, every-day, homemade prices), and we will send you one (0) of them. There is no limit to how great this is, so act now! And just so you know, we are not doing this out of desperation or anything, and there's nothing fishy going on here!

(Disclaimer: All restrictions apply. Sale ends now. All previous orders have been canceled. Not lawful where applicable. Promotional coupons cannot be used in conjunction with a purchase.)

Adventuerereses on Sugar Loaf Island

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 17:03:06 PST

An oldish comic book by Stu has been "published" by Fustian Publishing.

Read it here.

Steve's Incredible Journey, or John's Bad Day

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 16:58:34 PST

Sometimes people make lemonade. Kris makes this final for the first semester of his creative writing class.

Read it here or history might remember you unfavorably.

Excerpts from The Philosofik: Web Edition

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 16:57:12 PST

I'm not sure this will even work.

Don't click here. The HTML is ugly and it's not even funny.

My Conversation With a Pig

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 16:55:52 PST

A semi-autobiographical work of "true-fiction" by Master Wordsmith™ Kris has recently been unearthed (reformatted) and published by Fustian Publishing.

Be informed: click here.

kristuphil.com Gift Certificates

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 16:50:41 PST

Hey, guess what! Get out those credit cards! Not shipping: kristuphil.com Gift Certificates!

In addition to having a web page that makes it look like kristuphil.com is an actual company, we also pretend to sell gift certificates with which a "lucky" recipient can buy nonexistent merchandise from... us! You heard us, ME!

You can see fake pictures of them here!