Vendor feedback.

Your tech support people:
  1. Asked me if my CAPLOCKS was on.
  2. Are searching Google for answers to my question.
  3. Were an integral part of the total experience of frustration.
You developers should be:
  1. Punished by reducing the number of bananas you feed them.
  2. Paid well by your competitors.
  3. Shot.
I found the following in your code:
  1. A goto statement.
  2. An ALL CAPS 100% guaranteed profit work from home offer.
  3. A suid root shell.
Stop sending:
  1. My password in unencrypted email.
  2. My credit card number in unencrypted email.
  3. Requests for our C:\log.txt file, we are a UNIX site.
Conference calls:
  1. Should include someone from your side who has actually used the product.
  2. Are difficult because I have to keep hitting the mute button while I swear.
  3. Are probably the best way to tell violent people that you caused their outage with your outage monitoring software.
Your FAQ:
  1. Contains numerous technical errors about your product.
  2. 404: document not found
  3. Does not contain info on how to sue you, which I'm sure is frequently asked.
Your phone tree:
  1. Hold music tries to sell me the product I'm calling to complain about.
  2. Has not changed, ever. Why must I listen to the entire list in hopes of a reasonable menu item?
  3. When I finally reach the correct menu item tell's me to call the people who told me to call you, then disconnects me.
The version you just sent us:
  1. Has .com and .exe files in it. We told you this is Solaris several times already.
  2. Has the same cksum as the previous version. Have you actually changed anything?
  3. Has the same cksum as the open source alternative on freshmeat.net. Did you just switch us over?
Fixing a bug in an application function does not involve:
  1. Commenting out that function.
  2. Filtering the error messages out of the log file.
  3. Changing the documentation for that function.
The agent servicing my account:
  1. Thats a nice way of putting it: servicing.
  2. Has also serviced our license file. Can we get a replacement?
  3. Can service off.
Wed like you to pay:
  1. Our support contract fee, since you didn't really support us.
  2. Our health insurance fee, we've had to institutionalize the people who work with your product.
  3. A debt to society, you sell pain.
The most commonly used function in your application:
  1. Doesnt work.
  2. Is right next to the Delete customer data button. Who designed your interface?
  3. Seems to be reboot.
The error codes we see in our logs:
  1. Are filling up our disks. Seriously, 70Gig of error logs in one day?
  2. Error #568,442? Please tell me there arent half a million kinds of trouble with your app.
  3. Are randomly generated. We've seen 6 different numbers for the same error.

Roy Corey