Based on Lois McMaster Bujold's A CIVIL CAMPAIGN and the wonderful Banquet From Hell
She's back from Beta Colony, her year of studies done I throw a party for her family, a welcome home I told her sister's fiance that he could come along Would someone kindly tell me what went wrong? It was the sort of dinner party I had hoped to see Kou and Drou and their four girls and Galeni and me I told Ekaterin to come, I thought it would be fine I figured what the hell it couldn't matter if we're nine She lives with aunt and uncle who I also did invite An Auditor and professora friendly, smart and light Then Mark arrived from Escobar with lots of bug-eyed friends But that's not nearly where my guest list ends It was the sort of dinner party that Ma Kosti loves We started out with eight and now the guest lists's up to twelve But I have kinsmen and some friends I can't ignore My hall seats ninety-six, so I'll invite some more It's party time, Pym greets the guests, the hors d'oeuvres circle round Enrique eyes my lady as Lord Dono's change astounds Rang the bell for dinner, did not know that I was doomed For Mark and Ivan rearranged the room It was the strangest dinner party I had ever seen We started up with eight and finally wound up with nineteen Family feud is brewing, Illyan just pulled out my rug And now here comes a kitten, munching on a butterbug My party's a catastrophe, my reputation's sunk My parents came home early and I'm heading to get drunk Ekaterin has slipped away and beat a fast retreat I hear her taxi speeding down the street It was the sort of dinner party that you should avoid If you have hopes of romance they will only be destroyed So if you're going courting I have this advice for you Don't invite the planet, host a private meal for two A private meal for two!