Once in the course of every year, the ranks of fandom gather together in one hotel to celebrate the SF world. At one year's con, a problem arose. The World Science Fiction Society, better known as WSFS, held the 1991 World Science Fiction Convention at the labyrinthine Hyatt Regency Illinois Center. Fen, hear my story! This could have happened to you!
Well let me tell you a story of a fan named Charlie
To Chicago he did fly.
Packed his fannish T-shirts, grabbed guitar and filkbooks
And flew off to attend Chicon V.
CHO Well did he ever return? No, he never returned.
And his fate is still unlearned.
He may wander forever through Illinois Center,
He's the fan who never returned.
Charlie went to a panel in the Eastern Tower
But the time and place had changed
When he recrossed the bridge fans had named the "Time Tunnel"
Found the Western--rearranged.
CHORUS
Now a hungry Charlie wandered down to the Concourse
And he found 'neath the Regency
Corridors more twisted than the Rye Town Hilton
Or the Mall of Galaxy
CHORUS
Charlie went to a program down in the Grand Ballroom
But he couldn't tell the North from South.
Took the stairway down to see the dealers room
And from the Art Show came back up!
CHORUS
Now you fans from Chicago don't you think it's confusing
How the concourse just goes on and on!
So search the restaurants, look through all the shops
Get poor Charlie home from the Worldcon!
CHORUS
FINAL CHORUS
Now while he never returned, all of us have returned
And his fate may now be learned
And with luck we'll fare better in Illinois Center
Now that Chicon has returned