Welcome to the Melrose Place Update! The insightful analysis of the Melrose Place Update lasts longer than other little "stick" updates so you can kiss a little longer. Watch television a little longer. Longer with the Melrose Place Update. The commentary lasts as long as you chew through it. Your fresh thoughts go on and on, while you peruse it. So live life a little longer. Debate social implications of technological advances a little longer. Give your brain long- lasting freshness with the Melrose Place Update! [Yes we're running late again; this week's Update (2/2/94) will be out first thing tomorrow morning.]
"Today, it is axiomatic that we live in a global space fed by information from every point on the sphere at the same time. What possible relevance to the student of media could a point of view be in such circumstances? He must adopt the mosaic approach. He must deal with all media at once in their daily interaction, or else pay the price of irrelevance and unreality. He must deal with each medium as it affects all of our senses, not as it makes an impression on one sense."Professor McLuhan wrote those words over thirty years ago to preface his report to the nation's educators. His research for the report grew into "Understanding Media", a seminal tome exploring technology's effect on Western culture. In each case, the audience failed to grasp the import of his words.
- Marshall McLuhan, excerpt from introduction to "Report on Project in Understanding New Media." National Association of Educational Broadcasters. Presented June 30, 1960 to the U.S. Department of Education.
One theme of "Understanding Media" is the concept of electric speed-up; that advancing technology and media accelerate cultural shifts. No longer confined to the tiny, local village, electric man was free to roam the waves of information crashing over him each day. Where previous societal change had been gradual, the electric age precipitated broad and rapid shifts. Feedback was so quick, McLuhan called it feedforward; society knew the results before it knew the question.
"A cool breeze, the first awakening of the trade winds, streaming over thousands of miles of sparkling blue water, rustled the fronds of the coconut palms that fringed the beaches of the island of Omo Lau. The breeze brought with it a cheery ocean vigour, dispelling the heavy air which had lain over the island for the past several months."Traditional cultures before the modern electric era changed slowly. Information travelled at conversation rates, it wafted, subject to the physical limitations of transporting it. With electricity, information could move at the speed of light. Distances were insignificant and physical location no longer entered the equation. You could be here or there, you were anywhere and everywhere at once. Events happened at once, and the world discovered how alluring information could be.
- Leonard Wibberley, opening paragraph to "A Feast of Freedom.", William R. Morrow & Co., 1964.
"In naked beauty more adorned, More lovely, than Pandora."We talked before of cargo cults; native cultures exposed to Western technology around the turn of the century, and unable to fit it within their world-view. To the West, they were just crates of trinkets, but to the native each case contained god. The electric speed-up today casts each of us on the beach, waiting for the next shipment from the technological gods. We no longer deal with creating our environment, we are too busy just trying to survive in it. It's a mess, but one we'll fix with the next version; the next technology will finally free us. Newton's ok, but the next one will be even better...
- John Milton, "Paradise Lost", 1667, book IV, l. 713.
"Look at him running, he has so far to go,McLuhan's electric speed-up is one reality point that permeates Melrose Place. The characters are swept along by activity and information, never quite sure where they stand, or even if they are standing. When she is not apologising for one thing or another, Allison often complains that life " is all happening too fast!" Jake, the last bastion of archetypal Eisenhower Man, is completely out of place in a world that unfolds quicker than he can comprehend it. To Jake, the changes are intangible and inexplicable for he is outside the information loop. To Jake, the screen is filled with static.
He's very short of breath.
And he'd said 'don't be late; just don't be late.'
With his parcel tucked tight under his arm,
He's sure he's passed halfway.
And he'd said 'don't be late; just don't be late.'"
- Saga, "Don't Be Late", from the compact disk "Silent Knight", Maze Records, 1977.
Technology use within Melrose Place is haphazard. Steve McMillan, the one character who best understood the electric age, left when neither Allison nor Jo could keep pace with his changing frame of reference. Allison could not predict or react fast enough to handle Steve. She is the girl-next-door in a society where no one knows their neighbour.
Billy is the New Electric Man; new in many senses. He reflects an immaturity of action for he still lags behind the times. He is restless, aware of change and activity while anchored to the long-passed. He flails about onscreen, much as go-go dancers did in the 60's; unsure of his actions or his world but trying to keep up with the beat. This week he pondered a move to New York; it might as well have been New Delhi if he takes a cellular phone.
"'Let me go.' Everybody wants to go -- especially Senator Kreutzer. He is the Go-Master."Somewhere in this universe is a beach, and on that beach you may find me with a Siberian Husky who knows nothing of electric circuits or the information age. To some, she is the lucky one. That beach is a million miles away from the reality we see through the electric window in our living rooms, but even it is changing. Sometimes Avril and I sit on that beach to think and ponder and reflect. Sometimes we sit on that beach not to think but to forget and ignore. The PowerBook, my faithful Penelope, remains at home for it is not at home on that beach. Alas, someday it will.
- Ushio, quoted in the "Wild Palms Reader", written by Bruce Wagner, edited by Roger Trilling and Stuart Swezey, Greengrass Productions / St. Martin's Press, 1993.
Thirty years ago McLuhan introduced the notion of electric speed-up and the world ignored it; they didn't understand. If he published the same book today, most people would be too busy to read it; they wouldn't have time to understand. Atari, gozaimasu; it's time to go and we can't be late...
- ian
Melrose Place finally awarded Matt Fielding with his own relationship plum, as Michael and Jane not to mention Jo and Reid chugged along with theirs. Of course, this being Melrose, nothing was anywhere near what it seemed.
In the big story, Matt toddles off to lunch and runs into a pleasant fellow who, coincidentally, is also gay. The lunch goes great as the two exchange the Smiles and Glances of The Curious. When the meal is finished, Jeff invites Matt over for dinner later, while keeping secretive about his job and phone number. Matt brushes this off at first, 'cuz hot damn; he's in love!
When Matt drops by the Barbecuing Bachelor's pad, they chow down while exchanging witty banter signifying They Are On Relationship Step II. Matt still can't shake Jeff's secrecy, and the exchange takes a turn for the worse when Matt discovers Jeff lied about his phone not working.
The truth Comes Out (as it were) when Jeff reveals that he is an Officer in the United States Navy (sir!) and never told his parents he was gay. Ooops! With this plot twist, the writers cleverly created a love interest for Matt, while cloaking the entire affair with secrecy, lest the Brass Find Out. Matt is uncomfortable with Jeff's Double-Agent status, but promises to keep everything Under Cover for a while.
In the best Melrose Place scene ever, Mad Man Michael Mancini is stiff-armed by Sydney. Kid Syd gets miffed when Mikey chills on her at the hospital, and elects to belt the Feckless Physician across the face. Of course, Syd eschews her Sibling's Soft Slap in favour of a 2x4 o' Revelation: she tells Jane all about Michael's scheme against Robert. Oddly- enough, Jane believes Sydney and crucifies Michael when he gets home, but not before Sydney delivers a gold-plated line.
Michael retrieves his cane from the Melrose Place Pool, (where Jane tossed it in anger) and hobbles pathetically back to the beach house. The former Palace O' Promiscuity now contains only memories, reminders and a clean glass of water but not a speck of dust. Abandoned by Jane, Michael turns to the comforting arms of Pain Pills and fades away in a stunning parallel of "The Wall".
Jo and Reid continued fixing up the boat. When Reid takes Amanda for a boat ride to sell her on investing, Jo gets A Mite Bit Upset. Reid talks his way out of any wrongdoing and Jo calms down, but she is still uncomfortable with him. And, for good reason. In one scene, Reid is finishing up some remote-control trap-door when Jo drops by; he can barely cover it up before she wanders through the door. In the closing scene, Reid wakes up in Jo's arms, hears a noise outside the boat, and nearly blows away a neighbour's cat with his shotgun. Hey! You ever tried to clean cat smell out of decking?!
In yet another story (it was a busy week), Billy and Celia work together at the Place on a magazine story. Celia's apartment complex is going condo, so she moves in with Billy and Allison to generate some Static Cling. Allison, of course, is A Little Pissed About The Whole Deal and practices being bitchy in front of Billy and Celia. They finish the article, after Allison helps them edit it, and submit it to great praise from the Big Cheese. Nancy decides they should compete for a promotion and, of course, Billy ends up the winner. Trouble is, the job is in New York. (Billy smiles to himself as he plots his escape from the Chipmunk Chick.) Start spreading the news...
Dear me, but wasn't this an eye-opening episode, rife with symbolic actions and astounding explorations of the human condition. While there were many incredible images in the story, there are a few I would like to examine in greater detail. Most notable is Matt's experience with Jeffrey, Michael's trip back to the beach house, and Jo's concern over Reid.
In Matt's experience, we previously noted that he tends toward the archetype of Conscience; he typically extols other characters to behave with ethics and morals. Jeffrey hails from the U.S. Navy, certainly indicative of the Establishment, and relatively free from the bonds of Conscience. Their meeting over lunch illustrated their duplicate internal hunger for a relationship; the lack of other tables described society's reluctance to commingle with homosexual individuals.
Notice the clever use of the "closet" to hide Jeffrey's connection to the Establishment. This visual pun of Jeffrey's secret "coming out of the closet" was very amusing, while highlighting the reality of his internal Anxiety Closet. In Matt, Jeffrey finds his Conscience, his Inner Voice urging him to follow his instincts without guilt. As a character, he is a refreshing blend of pro and con; two fundamental forces battling for control. We have not seen a character of this strength on Melrose Place since Keith committed suicide. We can only hope the results will be less serious this time.
Michael's return to the beach house was predestined. He still feels incredible guilt for his actions, although he continually attempts to transfer that guilt onto others. Through his pondering the pictures, Spelling reveals to us the inner turmoil, agonising over memories of the past. Again, water is used to symbolise Life in two ways. The first use, the ocean, emphasises Michael's continuing quest to return to his origins, to the beginning when he was a part of his environment. His need for the pain killers extended beyond physical pain to his soul, which cried out for relief from the past. Here the water represented his hope to regain lost life; through the pain killers he may find rest and escape. A tragic series of images.
Jo's story, as the Modern Woman, is less tragic, although the similarities remain. When she sees Reid, or Danger, leaving with Amanda (Temptation), she is devastated. She still agonise over past memories of Temptation making off with the Modern Woman's man (Jake or Everyman). That Temptation and Danger leave on a voyage implies a "setting out" on water or Life; Amanda usurped a position in Reid's Life that should have been Jo's. Yet Jo is not without her suspicions of Danger for she recognises him, but at the same time she is blinded by her desire to regain the past; Danger is her tranquilliser and Temptation is her shot in the arm. Jo plays a Dangerous game, it remains to be seen if her eyes will open in time.
1) When did Michael and Kimberly get those cheesy love pictures taken? Probably not before the divorce, and the accident happened only a week or two after the divorce. I was hoping to see if she was wearing her engagement ring since the accident happened the night they were engaged; it wouldn't surprise me.
2) Why is the beach house phone still connected and who watered all those nice green plants? Is Jane that crazy or has Sydney been working overtime?
3) When Michael gets back to the beach house, he takes some pain pills and picks up a glass of water. All fine and dandy except he never poured the water and it's awfully clean for a glass left out since the accident. Based on the mail I received, I don't think a single viewer missed this one!
4) Reid's gun (a Mossberg 500 pump-action shotgun with pistol grip, 18" barrel and 5-round capacity, according to the helpful folks at "Sean & Wendell's House O' Guns"), has a lovely blued finish. Lovely, that is, unless you are keeping it on a boat in a nice high-humidity, salty environment. A blued finish would be solid rust after a day or so...
5) Nancy tells Billy and Celia about the "editing competition" and stresses that they have never seen or researched the "test" article. She hands Billy and Celia a sheaf of papers (the article?), and the shot holds on an "action" scene as they hunker down to the task. The problem is, Billy immediately turns to his PowerBook and starts chugging away. How did the "never-seen-before" article suddenly get on his computer? Or was he busy working on Crystal Quest before Nancy walked up?
6) Shouldn't Nancy have mentioned "oh, by the way, the position is in New York" before screening applicants? What if Billy has jury duty coming up or Celia's grandmother is sick? Lame lead-up to a cliff-hanger...
7) While we're on lame twists, in a Billy / Celia "competition" set-up scene, Celia remarks how well Allison helped edit their paper. Then the competition arrives which is editing another paper and Billy wins. Nothing further is said of Allison's editing ability, although the Melrose Place writers seemed to be setting up an "Allison did Billy's work" accusation.
Melrose Place is many things, but it is definitely not the place to go for safe firearms handling techniques. As Jeff Cooper suggested in the past, "owning a pistol does not mean you are armed any more than owning a guitar means you are a musician."
Dare we hold Reid's behaviour up to the magnifying lens of the International Practical Shooting Confederation's / U.S. Practical Shooting Association's "Shooting Code of Ethics"? Of course we do:
1) "I will treat every firearm as a loaded one" : Reid's cavalier attitude toward his shotgun and Jo's handgun blow this rule out of the water. On his boat, Reid alternated between pointing the shotgun at his foot, the boat, a cat and Jo. With Jo's loaded handgun, Reid continually waved it around like a flag. Reid needs to learn which direction is "safe".
2) "I will never point a firearm at anything I am not willing to destroy" : Let's see, there was that wonderful scene when Jo came home to find Reid pointing her loaded semi-automatic in her face. (That should tell Jo something.) Of course, Jo was dumb enough to eject the magazine *behind her back* then toss the Condition I pistol (a round was still chambered) across the room while making out with Reid. I guess we can't blame him entirely, but with behaviour like this, Jake would be wise to armour-plate his ceiling...
3) "I will be sure of my target and what is behind it before firing" : While Reid never fired any rounds, he certainly fanned the shotgun across half of L.A. and the marina while he stalked the intruding cat. Any shot would have taken out Kitty in a big way and sprayed several neighbouring boats.
4) "I will keep my finger off the trigger until my muzzle is down range" : Natch. Pal Reid had his finger on the trigger for the whole scene; too bad the gun wasn't loaded, or he might have shot his foot off and saved us all a lot of hassle. And is it just me, or is it pretty dumb to point a shotgun at the deck / hull of the boat you're floating in? Didn't Elmer Fudd always do this with tragic results?
"I spent twenty minutes squeezing that last night!" - Allison wails as an eavesdropping Mr. Furley pales...
"We're just having dinner."
"No, we're playing games..."
- Exchange between Jeff and Matt; or was that Neil and
Chris?
"What about the don't ask, don't tell policy?"
- Matt clues the Audience in that his storyline will deal with
Gay Men In The Military Who Never Told Their Homophobic
Father.
"Sidney! How the hell are you?"
"I'm fine; you're screwed..."
- Michael looks up "revenge" in the dictionary and finds
Sydney's smiling face.
"Are you a doctor?" - Lieutenant Jeff asks Matt the $164,000-a-year question.
"I'm a doctor, Jane!" - Michael, having slept with all available female cast members, sets his seduction sights on a different target...
"It's time I start doing things on my own!" - Michael throws out the box of Huggies "Pull-ups" and turns over a new leaf.
"You tried to warn me." - Sydney to Jane. Arguably, neither is perfect nor "nobly planned" but Michael knows how to command.
"Oooh! Veal piccata!" - Jane to Michael. You know she works in an environment without cubicles...
"Californians are such hypocrites." - Celia to Billy.
"Well, it's not a totally-stupid idea." - Celia's in.
"I could go to jail." - Sydney, the Girl Who Never Lies.
"Stay with me, God. The night is dark, The night is cold: my little spark Of courage dies. The night is long; Be with me, God, and make me strong." - Soldier's Prayer, stanza 1. Found on a scrap of paper discarded in a British trench following the Battle of El Algeila in Tunisia. circa 1844.
"Why don't you stay with me?" - Billy to Celia. Verily, he is sick of love and war with Allison...
"I'm still not convinced." - Allison is confuted. Jake can't pronounce it...
"...Twin marine, V-8 diesel engines." - Reid pulls a "technical" answer out of his 1952 Popular Mechanics Boat-Owner's Guide. Golly he's smart.
"He's very strange." - Amanda watches Reid talk with Jake.
"I'm a disaster in the kitchen, but a genius at the barbecue." - Jeff decides to move to Lake Edna and help Russ with the Colonel's Secret Recipe Barbecued Chicken...
"While we stop to think, we often miss our opportunity." - Publilius Syrus, Maxim 185. circa first century b.c.e.
"I saw a ripe opportunity and I went for it." - Reid, the man who never thinks.
"Oh baby! Don't leave me now!" - Roger Waters, "Don't Leave Me Now" from the compact disc "The Wall", Harvest / Capitol Records, 1980.
"Please don't leave!" - Reid floats on his back in the Melrose Place Pool.
"What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency." - George Jean Nathan.
"It's just a feeling." - Amanda has a hunch.
"I promise." - Sydney volunteers her favourite.
"Your secret is safe with me." - Allison uncorks another classic platitude.
"So what are we supposed to do?" - Celia comes to grips with that hideous corporate demon of self-accountability: employee empowerment. When in doubt, flip a coin.
(c) 1994 Ian Ferrell. The Melrose Place Update is published weekly and distributed via electronic mail and the Graces of Internet. Each article contains a summary of that week's Melrose Place episode with analysis and commentary.
Melrose Place Update is an all-digital production. There is no hiss. Analogue copies of previous Melrose Place Updates are available.
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