Welcome to the (flagrantly late) Melrose Place Update, a weekly (ya right, you say) exploration of the noisome depths to which network television is willing to descend. Yes, it has been over a month, I admit my sin with head hung in shame. Luckily, I have a stack of videotape several feet high; Dr. Ferreud and I plan to spend the weekend munching on bad finger food and discussing our mothers while wading through the previous few episodes. Currente calamo...
We exist in a society of discomfort. I speak not of tension headaches, June Allyson experiences and menstrual cramps, but of soulful angst over lost individuality. Daily we reconcile a customized culture where we are supposed to be individual, yet we do not belong here anymore than the savage.
In the episode, Jo snapped picture after picture; slices of time etched onto silver disks destined to achieve the immortality we can never approach. To a pre-literate culture, the camera is magic, the thief of souls. Louis Daguerre's Mephistopheles haunts primitive man who cannot comprehend the loss of individuality a photograph entails. Doctor Faustus, the Tribal Man, exists in only one place, and only there does he define his legacy. Today, I exist all over the world; in an office in Redmond, a photo album in Tennessee, on a wall in Toronto, and in a wallet somewhere in Western Samoa.
While, obviously, an individual's picture has no sentient action of its own, it serves to diminish that individual's sense of self- worth. We are bombarded by a litany of images, desensitizing us to the individual importance of each other. Live or Memorex means little in a 16-bit digital stereo world where we are introduced to countless figures who will never know us. It is demeaning to realize how much we know about public figures, and how little, if anything, they will ever know about us.
Carl Jung believed each of us came pre-programmed with social archetypes; beliefs and symbolic traditions built in to our psyche ab initio. Mental disorders and social stress, he asserted, were the result of everyday life conflicting with Archetypal Man. Marshall McLuhan took this a step further by exploring the paradigm shifts within technology and media. He found they were a complete reversal of our inner traditions. Individuality was supposedly increased by technology, yet all it did was fragment tribal man's sense of worth and belonging within the society. McLuhan saw Western culture's attempt to reconcile this paradox during the 1960s manifested in that period's social upheaval. America's trouble was the jungle but it was not the one in Vietnam. The trouble lay in the fragmented jungle remaining in America's mind.
It is thirty years since hot and cool media succumbed to jargon, yet, if anything, we have only increased the gap between archetype and actuality. The same technology we sought to emancipate our souls has run amuck and we find ourselves chained with Prometheus; convicted of the same crime and condemned to watch the raven forever approaching.
Say "cheese".
- Ian
All aboard for our trek through an episode filled to overflowing with gaffes, gambles and guffaws.
The main story followed the travails of Advertising Guru and Receptionist Allison as she is promoted to junior account executive (businesspeak for peon) and given the agency's underwear account. Aided by a very-much-out-of-place Heather Locklear as "Amanda Woodward", Allison's meteoric rise sputters when she must find a photographer to handle the studio shoot two days away. Of course, *every* photographer in L.A. is busy that week, no doubt shooting film for "A Day In The Life Of Bakersfield".
But wait! Jo has a camera. Jo has an attitude. Jo can be a complete bitch! Hey, I think we've got the perfect complement for Allison. Yup, she signs on the Jo-ster to snap a rising tennis star in his BVDs. Watch those sparks fly when Allison goes for the professional, safe look and Jo decides she wants to Change The World. (Male frontal nudity, ya, like that is an easy style to slip into a magazine...) The two vixens banter back and forth for Rex the Wonder Tennis Boy's affection, even though neither woman *really* wants him. Sounds like a guy thing to me...
When the nude shots are developed, Allison berates, cudgels and generally thrashes up one side of Jo and down the other about "Professionalism". Allison has a "career" and boy can she snarl when Someone Gets In The Way. Jo rants on about creativity and breaking new ground until Allison starts thinking she can swing the Buff Tennis Puff with the client. Needless to say, the client finds the nude shots, er, a little cheeky, and Allison's Boss has a minor coronary as she spins the meeting back to the "traditional" shots. Oh well, at least Allison now has something to hang on her wall beside the heads of her old boyfriends...
Meanwhile, Billy is set up on a blind date by Michael; definitely *the* source of hot babes I would turn to if I lived at Melrose Place. One of the nubile nurses Michael works with is looking for a new patient, and Billy fits the profile. Lucky Boy Billy soon finds out Michael's Hot Tip is a Big Zip when Nubile Nurse Lydia turns out to be a complete disaster who wields chopsticks like they were salad tongs. Billy wisely decides to bail his skinny butt out of the situation until Allison, this week's Butt Expert, whines about how unfair that is.
Billy heroically tries another date, but he and Lydia decide over a yummy spread of Safeway Takeout Goodies that Cupid is Stupid in their case. For a brief picosecond, they flirted with some bizarre sexual linkage that did not make any sense at all, but thankfully the writers left bad enough alone. Phew!
In the last story, Rhonda whizzes around L.A. with The Blessed Man. He may be a cross between Steve Pool, Ken, and Quincy Jones who talks suspiciously like Foghorn Leghorn, but the man has the longest balance sheet Rhonda will ever see. Unfortunately for him, he foolishly decides it might be nice to live somewhere after the Happy Couple are married, so he settles on a Tudor Castle a scant 40 minutes from Downtown Los Angeles. (Which, given the state of L.A. freeways, must be somewhere south of Griffith Park...)
Rhonda freaks out when she sees this because, well, er, uh, because, um, hmmm... she's not "ready" for marriage and a family yet. Feature that! Here's an intriguing storyline; boy meets girl, boy flashes cash, girl bats her eyelashes, boy flashes more cash, girl smiles, boy flashes an obscene amount of cash, boy wins girl, girl spends all the cash, girl dumps boy because she's not ready for marriage. (Hope you saw that hairpin curve near the end; Terence didn't...) An interesting play on the old "I'm not ready" stereotype, with a politically correct Flip O' The Sexes. Oh well, her body weight is so low, she probably couldn't have children anyhow...
Greetings once again! You would not believe what a joy it is to return to America, the land of repressed sexuality and latent hostility, after a boring winter vacation on the Continent. And just in time to watch my favourite television show; Melrose Place, the land of thinly-masked psychosexual posturing...
In this episode, the key storyline dealt with Allison, her job and Jo. Now, we long ago realized that Allison metaphorically represents Success, with a multitude of inherent trappings. Her job is the actualization of Success, a forum in which Success expresses itself. Unfortunately, I was on my holidays when Jo joined the cast, and was unable to present my findings. Please, sit back...
Jo is a complex character. Her predecessor, Sex, symbolized the rampant sexual tension pervading Melrose Place during the initial development of relationships among the group. The cast has matured, however, and now the petty, self-serving conquests of each character have been summarily dealt with. It became time to move on, and so Sex passed on.
Now, I realize, what would we have with a Melrose Place devoid of Sex? Well, Sex remains, but under a vastly different guise. Jo is short for Josephine, which is the feminine form of Joseph or "increaser". She deals primarily with Jake, who we have also established is Everyman, symbolic of each man on his quest through life. The symbolism is archetypal; Jake as Everyman is a manifestation of the male Id, the source of instinctive energy and the libido in classical psychosexual theory. Jo represents a modern sexual attitude; a "Sex in the 90s" as it were. Her character is also replete with the tension suffocating Western civilization today; sexual tension, social tension, creative tension, ad infinitum.
Jo brings this Tension to her relationship with Success, who, suddenly finding herself regaled with a promotion, seeks Tension to placate her still-bruised SuperEgo. You see, Success is never satisfied, and her insatiable appetite would destroy her, were it not for the balancing effect of Tension that limits her expression. Her SuperEgo needs to reduce the driving effects of her Ego and enlists the aid of Tension. Rex the Tennis Star is truly a King, he symbolizes the status and accomplishment that Success envies. When Tension intervenes, Success is initially upset, however, she soon realizes Tension is right.
Heather Locklear/Amanda Woodward is one of the many Temptations of Success. She works with Success and as Amanda, or "the beloved" she holds a special place in Success' affections as The Temptation of Work. It is all too easy to yield to this siren's song. Her affectations will eventually tempt and overwhelm even Billy, who as The Innocence of Youth will sail toward her, mindless of the danger.
Speaking of Billy/Innocence, this week found him seeking the interest of Lydia Perkins the Nurse. Lydia is a fascinating name, hailing from the Greek city, and largely known through the Lydia found in Acts 16:14 who sold purple cloth. We should assume that this knowledge influenced the writers to cast her as Lydia. Purple is a traditional colour for royalty and cloth can be used for clothing or robes. Thus Innocence seeks some royal garbs, to gird himself in the trappings of grandeur. (Contrast this with Rex...)
Innocence lives with Success and under her constant supervision. Innocence secretly reviles/worships Success in an amalgamation of antithetical emotions reminiscent of those present during th early infantile sexuality period. The psychic dams Innocence utilizes to control the inner turmoil between revulsion and adoration occasionally collapse, leaving Innocence confused and anxious. His effort to rationalize this behaviour manifests itself in a delusion of individuality and invincibility. Lydia, as both consort and consignee to Innocence's relief plays a role cloaked in mystery. It is interesting that Michael, who as one-half of the Married Couple represents Stability, (with Jane, his wife, representing Responsibility, although they have exchanged roles on occasion), would provide this outlet. Stability, seeking his own comfort, realizes the internal conflict of Innocence and attempts to waylay it before any damage is done.
Notice that Innocence for one brief moment ponders a potential liaison with this Relief, yet reconsiders the proposition after some analysis. Such an action runs counter to Innocence's previous actions, and is a manifestation of some Id perversion. The polymorphous- perverse reaction he contemplates is a mirror image of that found in prostitutes who rationalize their actions within the context of alleged professional detachment. All in all, a fascinating discourse on an oft-ignored topic.
Rhonda? Oh, yes, the storyline with Rhonda, who we long ago realized was symbolic of EveryWoman, first through her guardianship of Sex, and now through this storyline. Her rejection of Terence, a Roman family name, quantified Modern Woman's loosing of the societal chains that formerly bound her to a steaming stove cooking well-balanced meals and tending offspring in some linoleum-paved hell.
Modern Woman denounces the Roman/Western Euro-centric ideal of Woman As Domesticated Labourer and seeks to improve her socio-economic status through individual efforts. Had EveryWoman accepted Terence/Rome's offer, she would have renounced thirty years of progress and reentered servitude to improve her status. Tradition has no place at Melrose Place, and Signor Spelling here taps us lightly on our social conscience for thinking differently...
10) Would you *ever* go on a blind date with any woman recommended by Michael "I'm in touch with my Inner Child" and described as a "cute and very nice girl"?
9) Is it just me, or does every one of Allison's lines sound so much better if you read them in Jack Nicholson's voice (mimicking his style in "The Shining")? Try it with some of the quotes below; I think you will agree...
8) Did any of you watch expectantly for an overweight and balding William Shatner to run around the corner and scream "get down!" whenever Heather Locklear was in a scene?
7) Since when does an advertising agency fire an ad executive and replace her with the receptionist? (Chiat/Day anecdotes notwithstanding.)
6) Since when does a responsibility jump of #7's magnitude result in "very little increase in pay"? (Microsoft employees may not answer this question...)
5) Has anyone told the other ad execs about #6 or have they already vested and don't really care?
4) Is Matt related to ErikG? He's always doing laundry...
3) Would Allison stop being a bitch if she dumped the sky-blue Ford "Barbara Bush-mobile" Fiesta for something a little less grandmotherly?
2) Is Heather Locklear supposed to raise ratings or is she just the beginning of an endless parade of guest stars culminating in a two-part episode where the Harlem Globetrotters come to Melrose Place and Wilt Chamberlain scores with the entire cast?
1) See below...
At the end of the show when Heather Locklear is flirting with Billy at the apartment, she gives him a "come hither, young stud!" look, and walks off-camera. The shot was over her shoulder, so we are left with a view of Mr. Shue leaning casually on the door frame, arms crossed in front of him.
But wait! What is that moving in his pants as she walks away? (Easily the #1 question for this week...)
Trust me on this one; we have it on videotape, and when everyone stopped laughing long enough to double-check, it would appear Mr. Shue was not concentrating on his, er, lines. Down Billy!
The camera never lies...
"She's really cute." - Michael to Billy. Mikey, dogs are cute. Little boys in sailor suits are cute. An MG Midget is cute. Whenever someone says "cute" in the same sentence as "blind date" you should immediately hear warning bells. Now, if Michael said "She's killed three men"...
"I have my hands full with Jake." - Jo to Allison. No real connection, but I can't get the damn song outa my hair, er head...
"That's right, baby, give it to me..." - Jo, expertly utilizing dynamic "Photographer-Talk", establishes a rapport with her subject.
"I've got to get home." "It's 7:30..." - Allison tries to work her way out of the affections of Rex the Wonder Tennis Boy who realizes *his* clock is ticking. 40-40, Ad in...
"Why am I so righteous and principled?" - Allison to Billy. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with your having affairs with married men...
"Conventional people are roused to fury by departure from convention, largely because they regard such departure as a criticism of themselves." - Bertrand Russell.
"The psychology of adultery has been falsified by conventional morals, which assume, in monogamous countries, that attraction to one person cannot coexist with a serious affection for another. Everybody knows that this is untrue." - Bertrand Russell, "Marriage and Morals", 1929.
"Maybe I am more conventional than others..." - Allison to Jo.
"Oh god, I hate that!" - Allison remonstrates Billy for standing up The Date From Hell.
"That's the way to do it. Give 'em hell, damn 'em." - Zachary Taylor, battle cry during Spanish-American war, 1847.
"Give 'em hell, Harry!" - Said to Harry S. Truman during 1948 Presidential campaign.
"Jake, pray for me!" "Give 'em hell..." - Exchange between Jo and Jake. Did some writer decide to run the metaphors through a blender, or did Jake join the Church Of Satan in one of the episodes I missed? Maybe Jake is running for Vice-President...
"This is not funny, this is my job..." - Allison takes the Amazing Kreskin Cap from Jo, and tries her luck at reading my mind.
"Relationships are a mistake." - Billy and Jake discover a social archetype... --------- "If I were you, I'd start working on them [the slides] now." - Allison "Bitchy Ice Goddess" lays down the law to Jo. Here is a prime example of a line to reread in Jack Nicholson's voice. An axe would be a good prop here...
"Terence, you are a sweet, wonderful man." "Ya, but do you love me??" - Exchange between Rhonda and Terence where he doesn't argue with her claims, but worries about the thousands of clams he invested in her wardrobe...
(c) 1993 Ian Ferrell. The Melrose Place Update is produced weekly using Microsoft Word for the Macintosh and Microsoft Mail. Each article contains a summary of that week's Melrose Place episode with analysis and commentary.
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