Welcome to the Melrose Place Update, a weekly cornucopia of information, analysis, and unadulterated blarney concerning Melrose Place: The Show and Social Phenomenon. I receive several pieces of electronic mail every week from people asking me why I find the show fascinating. (Despite the rumours, it has little to do with my leading a relatively-boring social life.) Suffice it to say that the reasons are obscure.
Melrose Place personifies McLuhan's concept of medium defining message. It is a 'television' show in every sense of the definition: sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. Shaped predominantly by television and the fictitious cultures portrayed, we concern ourselves with the envelope, as opposed to the letter. We allow the style of Melrose Place to triumph over substance. While the show is by no means ground-breaking, it makes excellent fertilizer for thought. And in today's environment, inspiration is where you see it.
The emphasis on style rather than substance is not limited to the Melrose Place sound stage. Apple Chairman and visionary wannabe John Sculley is fond of evoking a Renaissance metaphor for the Information Age. He envisions information appliances sprouting up like fall apples; in your house, in your pocket, on your teacher's desk. Although I hate to be the type who rains on other people's parades, Sculley's vision will not be the choice of a new generation. It is a nice dream, but a rather wet one.
Sculley's "Knowledge Navigator" is an electronic surfboard on the oceans of knowledge. Gutenberg and his movable-type printing press liberated society from burdensome, hand-illuminated tomes in the 15th century, sparking a Renaissance of thought, culture and personal discovery. Sculley seeks to instigate a second Renaissance, liberating society from burdensome information by filtering out the "background noise" and freeing the explorer to concentrate on a single thread.
Yet, Sculley forgets that Gutenberg never profited from his revolution; in fact, he was forced to sell his printing press to cover outstanding debts. (Ironically, to a man named Faust.) Sculley's goal is too general and his zeal to change history clouds his perception of the market; he is selling a television to people who do not have electricity. History will repeat unless Sculley realizes that few people want information; the late twentieth-century zeitgeist yearns for entertainment.
An individual does not come home in the evening to delve into academic research; few people walk through their front door at night intent on researching Paleolithic fertility cults and their mythological heritage in Hunter- Gatherer societies. They seek escape from their information-soaked world. They want a passive relaxation, one that does not require concentration or understanding. Whatever it is, people want it easy. Even CNN, the reputed bastion of news junkies presents the news as a media event, a pre-digested party where the viewer is a voyeuristic wallflower.
One needs to look no farther than the current election campaign to see this. If the American soul desired raw information, then everyone would read Bill Clinton's financial plan. Every house would have a copy of Ross Perot's financial plan on the coffee table, beside an informative, text-only National Geographic magazine. (No one would read People.) George Bush would have written a "financial vision thing".
During the early days of Ross Perot's campaign (Part I), he would chat with Larry King about the weather and Larry's offensive tie for that day. Following the show, CNN news personalities would present elements of the interview as breaking news. In effect, the network generated exclusive content for itself, packaged as "news". The actual informational content was insignificant. Ross Perot presented few concrete ideas during Part I of his campaign; what mattered was image, the ability to sell the public on style over substance, medium over message.
Companies such as Time-Warner and Turner Broadcasting seem poised to rule the "Information Age" with their vast libraries of past content and unique ability to generate new content. Yet their success will ultimately hinge on their ability to repackage information as entertainment. No one will make a single cent until they realize the key is not Information At Your Fingertips, it is Entertainment At Your Fingertips.
At Microsoft, the Land O' Lucubration never sleeps in its quest to define the future. But, like the Maltans, we must retain the ability to stand, no matter where history throws us. In the next few years, much will be said by industry pundits about the Information Age. Many companies lust after a piece of America's pie, and set out on a journey with no goal and no vision. Many words will be written, and promises spoke. If you look closely, you can see the ventriloquist's lips move...
- Ian
We came full circle this week as Fox decided to rerun the August 5th episode; the episode that launched this hellish ride known as The Melrose Place Update. This raised a number of issues, the most notable being whether to produce an Update. As luck would have it, the original Update lacked polish in several areas, and did not cover the Update's current distribution so what the hell...
The episode was classic Spelling in several regards. There were three plotlines, conflicts resolved instantaneously, and the acting was terrible.
In the main plot, we find Allison working hard at the advertising agency. The Little Work Demon is the receptionist, but besides answering calls, she is Brown- Nosing the hell out of anyone walking by. A co-worker, who just "happens" to be the Premiere Client's son, lays The Look on her, as well as a few jelly doughnuts, and she is smitten. Unfortunately, Rick steals an Incredible And Amazing Idea that Allison has for an ad campaign, claiming it as his own. Of course, this campaign just "happens" to be for a sunscreen account that "happens" to be from the Premiere Client, who "happens" to be Rick's Daddy.
Allison spends a few turns through The Tunnel Of Angst as she reconciles her idyllic vision of The Business World As Run By Winnie The Pooh, with the bitter realities of The Business World As Run By Cheating White Males. It is not a pretty sight. She gets a second chance (after all, she is the receptionist, cut her some slack) and emerges as The Frontdesk Fast-Tracker. Stand back, all you smarmy MBA's and Designers, this is the Receptionist From Hell...
Jake wandered through this issue sneering and smart- assing his way from one Mediocre Blue Collar job to the next. When an Evil Temptress appears from Jake's Mysterious Past, he initially eschews her coquettish advances. Unfortunately, that damned Married Couple keep haranguing poor Jake over the Pesky Rent Cheque, so he Sells His Soul For The Almighty Buck. It seems the Evil Temptress has a nifty plan to separate Rich Rocker Dudes from their Cold Cash using Bogus Art. There is a fabulous scene with the Temptress and Jake sensually Painting a Portrait O' Passion with their butt cheeks. Definitely not for the Meek...
Thankfully, the Jakester comes to His Senses at The Wildly Hedonistic Hollywood Party thrown in his honour as Le Artiste du Nouveau. Perry The Temptress still thinks Coke is It, but Jake is a New Generation Man with markedly different Tastes. His singular work of art "Paint Splashes and Butt Prints" is abandoned, and he sulks off to Shooter's for a few James Dean poses. Forced to sell his motorcycle to pay the rent, Jake discovers Happiness and Cheer when the store owner offers him a job. Fade to an evening sunset at Flint, Michigan.
Rhonda and Matt bicker and bitch throughout the entire episode about Matt's Halfway House which has lost Half of its Funding. (Damn that Pat Buchanan!) Rhonda bails out of helping Matt, who thinks she is walking all over his feelings and gets A Bit Ticked Off. Miraculously, Matt drops by Rhonda's Masochistic Electro-Skank-Funk Workout and proves once and for all that White Guys Can't Dance. Fade to credits with cheesy smiles for everyone...
The plot with Allison at work raised a nagging question. I will not ask how a receptionist gets to pitch the most important campaign for the ad agency. I will not ask how she gets to do it with some lugnut from the mailroom. My only question is: while Allison twitters 'round the conference room, blowing Marketing Smoke up the Premiere Client's Chimney, WHO IN HELL IS ANSWERING THE PHONES?!?! So much for the Agency's Yellow Pages Ad...
What a pleasure it is to finally explore the "The Lost Melrose Place Episodes" originally broadcast while I was completing some post-doctoral research on Cop Rock at the Sigmund Freud Institute of Teleperversion. (I like to keep abreast of contemporary culture.) It is in these early episodes that Signor Spelling defines the mythological framework upon which the flesh of later episodes rests. As such, they are easily interpreted.
The Married Couple open the show with some mechanically rote scenes developing their Responsibility paradigm. Notice that in the opening jogging scene, Michael wears a Cat in the Hat shirt. Not only is Spelling pointing out the Responsibility of Health, the shirt is a symbolic nod to Theodor Geisel's elegant treatise on Freudian psychosexual development entitled "The Cat in the Hat."
This episode covered three stories. The main story is a simplistic exploration of the effects of Greed, played by Rick, on Success/Allison. Rick, as is commonly known, is a shortened diminutive form of Richard. Notice that another short form of Richard is Dick. In contemporary culture, "Dick" as a slang term may stand for "twit", "idiot" or "penis". Richard is Germanic for 'hard' and 'powerful.' This character, we see, symbolizes the offensive aspect of Greed, as well as identifying this trait with powerful male business interests. Richard the Character epitomizes the masculine drive for success and the decaying fraternal culture, (aka 'old boys network') of Euro-centric, Western financial institutions. The stereotypical Caucasian male business leader has long exploited and controlled female Success and Spelling recognizes the social implications of this subjugation.
Notice that Success holds the key, the creative new ideas needed by Greed to survive and grow. Greed will resort to any means, so long as he achieves Success. (Notice too that Innocence plays a minor role as Defender of Success.) In this powerful plot, we see the epic battle of 20th century culture summed up in surprisingly few scenes. The sexual revolution of the 1960s, battles for equality in the workplace and subsequent male soul-searching for corporate identity are explored in this storyline. Spelling's clarity of composition is masterful.
In the second story, Jake/Everyman is faced with a Temptress from his past named Perry, a variation on the familial name Peary, or Pear. Spelling, who constantly returns to Paleolithic fertility cult imagery for his sexual symbolism once again alludes to iconic forms of the quintessential female "pear" shape. The Temptress is pure Sexual Evil and Perversion; she is the demon within Everyman's past.
Sex/Sandy is linked with Everyman only when the symbolic elements of Water/Life and Alcohol/Loss of Control are present. She despises Perry who seeks to usurp Sex/Sandy's role in Everyman/Jake's life. Modern Society/Coffee Shop Owner puts enormous demands on Everyman; the flux of social norms and customs is almost too great to bear. The traditional Hunter-Gatherer social organization provided Everyman with a clear role. The modern societal structure forces Everyman to renounce this role, and adopt a contradictory lifestyle with little Freedom.
At the end of the story, Everyman is forced to relinquish his Freedom/Motorcycle in order to meet the demands of Responsibility/Michael. It is only through the providential intervention of Wisdom/Shop Owner that Everyman/Jake retains his freedom.
The last storyline explores the traditional role of Conscience/Matt in the life of Everywoman/Rhonda. The post-modern cultural shifts have not been entirely without effect on Everywoman; she feels alienated from Conscience, and constantly disappoints this guiding force. The reconciliation of this dispute involves Conscience recognizing the validity of the new lifestyle, and acknowledging its importance to Everywoman.
In the final scene, Everywoman, Sex and Success join Conscience in a gesture of understanding and acceptance. Everyman is not there; he remains alone to celebrate his Freedom and prepare for inevitable return of The Evil Temptress.
No blurb again. It looks like we are in repeat hell...
How did the butt prints get on Jake's painting? Do we really want to know?
Another week of full-employment at Melrose Place. All those whining Democrats need to realize the economy is booming and stop concentrating on the negatives...
"It's not just any doughnut; it's the double-dipped." - Rick to Allison. Ah, I was wondering...
"Don't walk away from me, you thief!" - Allison to Rick.
"You're not going to talk to that scumbag?!" - Billy to Allison, about Rick. Rick definitely has an image problem. See what two Bad Hair days in a row will do?
"You've got to play the game." - Wise Woman Boss to Allison.
"You've got to learn to play the game." - Anonymous to the Tub O' Goo. (Inside joke; my apologies to those who do not get it; trust me, it is funny.) Shalom!
"You've taught me things four years of college didn't: How to play the game and get ahead." - Allison to Rick. Interesting; Allison must have gone to school at Washington State University. (But she can plant a mean field of corn...)
"I don't make the rules, I just play by 'em." - Allison to Rick pleading innocent to crimes against scumbags.
"You can run, but you can't hide." - Sandy to Jake. So this is the past Jake tries so hard to cover up...