Well, Labour Day roared past us like an oil-burning Pinto and we are heading down the home stretch to Halloween. Halloween always reminds me of Geraldo Rivera, so I tuned in over the holiday to see what the sensationalist twit had on. The show had some psychologist-dude warning a nation of paranoid housewives about "Holiday Depression".
Evidently, a fair number of disaffected Americans decide to remodel their apartments in the "Bits O' Brain & Blood" motif over Christmas and other family holidays, predominantly due to Holiday Depression. Amazingly enough, Labor Day is always a stressful day as it reminds me of the time- honoured, government-sponsored daycare service we commonly refer to as "school."
There was a certain excitement to starting school. Every year, around the end of August, my Mum and I would start hoarding up school supplies like a band of education-centric survivalists from Idaho. Paper, fountain pens, coloured pencils, 9-volt batteries for electronic games, etc. Those first few days back were as addictive and mysterious as any drug. Who would be the first kid to throw up in the classroom this year? Was that teacher's last name *really* Peniece?! And who in hell was that exotic brunette in Social Studies?!?!
The excitement changed as I moved from Grade 1 through the trials of Middle School, the hormonal hell of High School and the final fiscal terrors of college. Granted, there was always that brunette beauty, but the projectile vomiting slowed measurably after Grade 7.
Now I have been rudely jettisoned from that academic arena into the mythical "Real World" from countless paternal lectures. Dr. Ferreud would no doubt psycho-analogize this as a rebirth, replete with its attached baggage of typical male insecurities. Yet the trauma was of a different sort; less physical shock, and more social reconfiguration. The yearly cycle of school dissolved into a career cycle, (hopefully longer than a year). Friendships, goals and relationships switched, often in directions I never would have imagined. Melrose Place describes a set of people, from my generation, adjusting to this very same situation. Sure, they have a pool, but my house has a dog that drools. Spelling has tapped into a wellhead of ideas and stories that were unheard of twenty years ago. While the show will hardly affect my life, it is interesting to compare the events onscreen with those I see every day at the office.
I am just waiting to see who will throw up first...
Ian
Spelling had a good story idea in this episode, (boy meets girl, girl makes boy laugh, boy falls in love with girl, boy finds out girl has kid, boy runs like the devil), but the implementation fell flat. While I realize Melrose Place is not a cutting social commentary piece like, say, a 90210, I did expect a wee bit more than I got. But, that is just a symptom of my generation.
It started with Billy rushing to the aid of a tough Divorcee Damsel in Automotive Distress who also sells shoes and does stand-up comedy on the side. Several scenes of Witty Repartee later, Billy is in love with "Dawn" and Allison is jealous. After a date with Rosie O'Donnell On Slim-Fast, Billy discovers she comes with a added bonus; a Smart- Mouthed Munchkin. Of course, this being television, the kid is a borderline psychotic over his parent's divorce and Billy tries to Win The Tadpole's Approval.
When Dawn gets a "gig" in Ventura, she needs to fix her car or walk. Billy lies (oh my!) to Allison to scare up the $300 she needs to fix her wheels. (If she had gone to Sears, she could have got the same work done, and a little more, for just $1157.) The scene evoked fond memories of Jimmy Stewart, another do-gooder battling the mean streets. Melrose Place, it's a wonderful show!
Meanwhile, Jake decides to take Sandy on the Relationship Test Drive to see just how important Sex is to their friendship. Of course, Sandy gives him The Look too many times, and he ends up wrapping his lips around her head, which goes over like a Fart In Church. She leaves, he goes and sits in the freezer for a few hours, and they both sulk. Sandy seeks support from Rhonda and Jane (His wife) and Jake consults Michael (Hubby) over a Load O' Laundry. ("Say Michael, I've noticed *your* whites are a lot brighter, how *do* you do it?")
Allison discovers Billy's Wee Wittle White Lie and explodes in a frenzied Cloud Of Righteous Indignation. Billy drops by Dawn's house to find the Low-Life Ex in a War O' Words with the Humourous Housewife. Billy sounds the trumpet and once again leaps to his Damsel's Rescue, only there is no net to catch him. She calls Them quits, and Billy drags his bleeding Ego home for Allison to patch up.
Jake and Sandy patch up their lives over a broken closet handle, and Billy says his sayonaras to Dawn. Fade to black as the Billy-ster and Allison discuss the merits of relationships. Sigh.
My, what a cacophony of stereophonic hellfire this episode was. Signor Spelling reached deep within his bag of tricks and emerged with two brilliant gems of psychological exposure, succinctly defining the state of America's relationships in a neatly-tied, hourlong package.
In the first story, Innocence/Billy meets a woman named Dawn. "Dawn" is self-explanatory; she is the Dawning realization within Innocence of the nurturing and sheltering abilities of Responsibility/Commitment, but with a twist. R/C has child, a product of herself named Martin. Who is this Fruit of Her Womb and what message does he bring Innocence?
Her child reflects many characteristics of Innocence. "Martin" is a derivative form of "Mars", the Roman God of War. Mars was originally an agricultural or Life god. So, we have Responsibility/Commitment whose child, represents the Painful Innocence of Life, vigorously stirred by the Wand of Strife. His Innocence is belied by a dark, brooding side won from agonizing battles with Life.
Notice that Billy meets Responsibility/Commitment when her car, or Freedom, has broken down. Spelling associates R/C with a loss of Freedom, but he cleverly reveals she sells shoes; they are Freedom as well, but Freedom that is gained through personal work and a great deal of effort. Life is not Easy with R/C.
Innocence must come to grips with himself (represented through Martin/Painful Innocence's tortured existence) and face Responsibility/Commitment. At first he is confused, unsure of his actions in a mad world and turns to Success as a panacea; a cure all. "Bail my skinny white butt out!" he cries to Success. "Just another $4 an hour and I can make it!" Ironically for Melrose Place Update subscribers here at Microsoft, this is analogous to another famous Billy (Gates) who successfully seduced Success and now laughs in the face of R/C.
Be that as it may, Innocence is lured back to Responsibility/ Commitment as his maternal guide. Much as Innocence faced his parents/Responsibility of (or) to the Past, we see him approach this issue again. R/C suckles Innocence, but for a price; she yields Absolute Control and purloins his Freedom. R/C's comedy reveals her desire for true Freedom, to escape and return to Innocence. It is R/C's yearning to be Innocent again, to revel in the boundless simplicity of Life.
Innocence can only have fun with Painful Innocence when there is no Responsibility/Commitment; when she is present, Painful Innocence's Life is one of suffering and agony. Also, Success must guide Innocence, for he is lost without her fiscal assistance.
Realizing this, Responsibility/Commitment eschews Innocence, releasing the internal conflict and strife she causes. Too much Innocence on her part, and she would surely fail; this Innocence would keep her from Success who despised her. Innocence continues his sinusoidal slide to Success, naturally gravitating back to her aura of Comfort.
Jake/Everyman's sortie for Sex was a resoundingly transparent continuation of Spelling's fundamental theme to Melrose Place. Everyman wants Sex, and realizes it in the worst way. He seeks counsel from Michael/Stability and The Responsibilities of Reality much as Innocence sought counsel from Success.
Notice that Everyman talks with Michael/Responsibility two times; once while clipping flowers, (the Destruction of Life by Responsibility symbolizing Everyman's fear that Commitment will stifle his Life and leave it dying under the Merciless Sun) and while laundering some clothes, (seeking the post-Sex-seduction cleansing of Everyman's soul on the Altar of Responsibility.)
Sex meanwhile seeks the counsel of Everywoman who warns her away from Everyman. "These are dangerous times, in a dangerous society," says Everywoman. "Stay away from Everyman and his siren song of Sexual seduction." Sex is unsure, seeks the additional help of Jane/ Stability and The Responsibilities of Reality, and is advised to pursue the pleasures of Everyman. This is not counter to Responsibility, it is the realization that Sex will die without Everyman; better with him than someone else.
Everyman restores his relationship with Sex over a Locked Door, the Anxiety Closet of Everyman's inner-felt Fear and Insecurity. Sex sought to gain entry but Everyman wrenches the handle from the door, declaring his Freedom and Desire for Sex and banishing the Anxiety Closet, (for the time being). Spelling wisely has them leave this door shut; to examine the Augean Stable of Everyman's Fear and Insecurity would require several episodes.
All in all, a fascinating Spelling tour de force; an extravaganza of human emotion fraught with the petty complexities of daily existence rarely touched with such insight and clarity of vision.
The Billy-ster gets robbed in L.A. whilst piloting the Happy Cab, and Jake's mother appears out of nowhere. I can see the parallel...
Sandy's Southern accent has flown south with the rest of the songbirds. Evidently, the High Powers at Spelling Central didn't like the way Jersey-born Amy Locane drawled, and nixed the vixen's diction.
"I'm proud of what I've done. I think there is a need for escapism. I think it is a release valve that keeps people from blowing their brains out or having nervous breakdowns." - Aaron Spelling from "Scanorama" September 1992, p44.
"At last, my knight in shining armor..." - Dawn to Billy as he swoops down from heaven in his gilded taxi to a chorus of angelsong.
"It's like they say; abstinence makes the heart grow fonder." "I think they meant absence." "Whatever." - Exchange between Jake and Sandy where Jake misquotes Sextus Propertius on purpose, so as not to appear to cerebral in front of Sandy. Unbeknownst to him, she is an established Latin scholar in her own right. A classic example of the mis- communication that occurs when you translate between archaic Italic and modern Germanic subcategories of Indo-European language.
"She is not ready." - Jake to Michael, about Sandy.
"Billy, I'm not ready yet." - Dawn to Billy, about Them.
"I don't think I'm ready." - Allison to Billy, about having children. And Society dares to call us the Lost Generation...
"Why don't we live together?" (song title) - Pet Shop Boys, "please" EMI Records CDP 546271
"Is she your girlfriend?" "No; we just live together." - Exchange between Martin and Billy about Allison.