Ah, and we turn yet another page in the Book Of Life and find ourselves looking back on the Episode That Was. Time waits for no man, and, (according to Neutrogena Skincare Products), no woman.
Despite the introduction of several Melrose Place knock-up shows this week, our favourite mental wrestling pit remains the lone flagship, valiantly defining the genre to Those Who Would Be King. The Lads and I tuned into "Freshman Dorm" and found it sweet-smelling, with nary a crumb on the floor. Virginity was lost faster than homework assignments. We truly live in an loathsome age of debauchery, carnal sin and sound bites. Pass me the remote!
Yes, I screwed up Billy's name in the Update last week. My apologies to the 3000 people who pointed that out.
The prophet is always crucified for the message...
- Ian
Spelling took time out to play with the audience this week. The plot examined misunderstanding and relationships, weaving an exotic tapestry of real life. He carefully blended the fine silks of acting and witty repartee with coarse fibres of plot and reality. The effect was overwhelming, I wanted a Dirt Devil...
We opened with the Gregarious Gang O' Guys n' Gals engaged in a Battle Royale of poker. Allison bluffs her way into winning, and the Married Couple who are Great With Child *both* enjoy a hearty sip of alcoholic beverage. Allison's offhand comment about studying in college leads to a rendezvous the next morning with Jake who enigmatically asks her to "drop on by" that evening. Billy's hackles rise, and he does some mindless posturing for a few [thankfully] brief seconds.
Meanwhile, Rhonda goes to a dance show with Matt, who is sporting a fine Tower Records "Censorship" shirt. Rhonda's friend is a member of the troupe, and we discover Rhonda could have been The One On The Stage, save for an unfortunate injury a la Dan and Dave. Luckily, the troupe 'happens' to be auditioning for some new members, so Rhonda has A Second Chance.
When Allison drops by Jake's "Pad O' Pleasure" that evening, she discovers he is not interested in her Body of Flesh, but in her Body of Knowledge. He is studying for his G.E.D. and is, gosh golly, shucks, kinda embarrassed. Will Allison help him? Sure. She will do anything for a friend, and at Melrose Place, everyone is your friend, dammit!
The studying takes all night, and Billy wets his pants 'cuz Little Sis never comes home, leading to a Busby Berkeley-esque Scene 'Round The Pool. Allison sashays from Jake's apartment and everyone else does their best Don Knotts Look Of Shock and Horror at each other. Billy pretends he is Ward Cleever and Puts His Foot Down, but ends up with it in his mouth.
Spelling saves some production funds here by switching back and forth between the same scenes for about 20 minutes. It covers several days of Rhonda dancing and Allison teaching in a tennis match of camera angles and scene cuts. Throughout this, the rumours of Allison and Jake whiz about like flies in a dumpster. Billy has a speed bump scene where he Pours Out His Soul to Sandy, and she thoughtfully Pours Out A Double to soothe him. (Shooter's Bar and Country Club showed up throughout the episode; they must have that set completed.)
Rhonda admits to Matt that She Blew It and faked her injury to avoid competing in the first dance audition; the one her friend eventually won. Matt and Rhonda have A Fierce Confrontation where Matt reinforces his role as Conscience O' The Clan and Rhonda realizes she needs to Do This For Herself. She competes, blows everyone away, and turns the offer down. Her friend makes a True Confession to her, and the scene closes with sweaty women hugging each other. For a second, I thought I was back in the Olympics, but John Tesh was [thankfully] no where in sight.
Allison and Jake take a Mind Break, 'cuz the Jakester's wee brain is chock full of facts; he cannot handle another byte. The Ghost Of James Dean flies over the scene as Jake and Allison toot on up to Griffith Park on his Throbbing Motorcycle O' Power. [For a second, I thought I saw Paula Abdul in the back of the scene, wearing a white dress and waving a handkerchief. I must be drinking too much Diet Coke.] The Happy Couple banter back and forth how the Group Thinks They Are Having An Affair. Jake opens up, (never a pretty sight) and suddenly there is a major exchange of body fluids. Spelling cruelly pulls the plug on the scene before we can determine which Nasties Are Being Bumped Where And By Whom.
Jake takes his test, and emerges Confident, Dry and Secure. Allison asks how he did and he raises his hand, saying he is Sure. Allison cleverly drags him back to Shooters where the whole gang, now privy to Jake's Hidden High School Secret, throws a mock graduation for him. (Once again the Married Couple imbibe...) We close with a minor cat fight between Allison and Sandy. Fade to black with a smile.
This was a parallel episode. Both Jake and Rhonda are seeking themselves and their true beliefs. The plot advances through regression; each returning to battles lost in their youth.
Jake yearns for Allison because she represents Success, the victory he failed to achieve as a youngster. Billy plays the role of childhood Innocence and Fun; he revels in the uninhibited freedom of youth. Billy's concern for Allison reveals Jake's inner turmoil between Innocence and Success; Innocence fears the triumph of Success for that will destroy Innocence. The Married Couple analogize Stability and The Responsibilities of Reality. As such, they rarely appear in the episode.
Sandy (Texas Gal) represents Sex. Notice that she only appears when Jake's libido is aroused; in the morning or after he has consumed a healthy portion of alcohol. The scene between Billy/Innocence and Sandy/Sex epitomized the classic portrayal of Virginal Innocence confronting Sex, seeking the wisdom of the world. Sex deftly affirms Innocence's position and security, assuring him Jake is exclusive of Success. The final confrontation between Sex and Success eloquently defined Jake's struggle for to understand his Id. He has, for the time being, abandoned Sex in favour of Success, however, Sex has proven a wily competitor in the past, and I do not see her relinquishing her role in the future.
In the episode, Jake is Everyman, the lone Pilgrim making his solitary Progress through the often Payne-ful world we inhabit. Striking material.
Rhonda's case is singular; she just wants to beat the shit out of her former friend.
Billy convinces Allison to join him on a trip to see his parents. Unfortunately, the parental types think the two roomies are lovebirds and make them sleep in the same bed. Oh dear! [This is a situation I *often* ran into in college; I am curious to see how they will deal with it...]
Early in the episode when they are walking into Shooter's bar, the "SHOOTERS" sign is partially obscured and reads "HOOTERS" Spelling must have worked for the tobacco and alcohol industries once upon a time...
Another one of those five-day weekends...
"I didn't grow up in one of the most loving and supportive families." "Me too." - Exchange between Jake and Allison.
"For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a future." "I know." - Exchange between Jake and Allison, same scene as above.
"When you're out on your own, the last thing you want is people latching on to your weaknesses." "Yea, I know." - Exchange between Jake and Allison, same scene as above.
"It's late, I'm fried; I could kill Mrs. Smith." "Yea, I know." - Exchange between Jake and Allison, same scene as above. [Allison really stretches her character in this scene...]
"Oh, give me a break, Allison! I'm not stupid!!" - Billy, three lines later.
"Real life is what you make it." - Matt to Rhonda revealing why he wears the socially- aware T-shirts each week...
"I worry about you." - Billy to Allison.
"Don't worry." - Allison to Jake.
"I've never told anyone this." - Jake to Allison.
"This isn't something I've ever told someone." - Rhonda to Matt.
[Melrose Place writers demonstrate an environmental concern for recycling in the script...]
"It's funny, isn't it." "What?" "You and me." "Yeah, I know." "Yeah." "I was so painfully self-conscious then." We're not in High School anymore..." [peck] [peck] [peck] [peck] [tongue] [bump] - Actual exchange between Jake and Allison before Nasties got Bumped.