Welcome to the Melrose Place Update, the email that keeps you in touch with those happy yet hard-working youngsters trying to make a name for themselves in The City of Smog. They may not be rich and they may not be famous, but they still know how to have fun. (They also only pay $400 for a two- bedroom palace in L.A., but that is beside the point...)
Fans of the Love Boat will quickly recognize the show as formula Aaron Spelling with the three plot lines, one humourous, the other two serious. (We're working on character comparisons/parallels between the two...)
This week's episode was definitely slanted toward the female demographic; it lacked a good Pool Scene but was rife with Gratuitous Male Chest Shots. Texas Gal kept the guys tuned in...
Our happy advertising receptionist (HAR) got a chance to design a sunscreen ad campaign for the company's premiere client. (An event I am sure happens every week at Saatchi & Saatchi, Dentsu or JWT...) Unfortunately, a co-worker (who just *happened* to be the premiere client's son...) stole her idea, destroying this idealistic waif's vision of peace and happiness in the business arena. Luckily, she got a *second chance* to prove herself. Hey! She *is* the receptionist, give her a break! (One wonders who in hell is answering the phones while she gallivants around the office...)
Jake, (Mr. Tough and Pouty) spent the entire episode getting fired. A Temptress from his past showed up with the Too Good To Be True job which gave us a canned 9-1/2 Weeks scene using paint. She wanted him to scam bogus art on some rock dudes, but Jake is "clean" now. Lots of cliched Hollywood party scenes at the art gallery, including some guy dressed up like the Ayatollah Khomeni. Jake just sneered his way through life and the pieces miraculously fell together in the last five minutes. (Another Spelling trademark...) Jake's now a mechanic/lughead working for a Too Wise For Words motorcycle dealer. (Look for upcoming "Grasshopper" scenes; I'm betting Jake cannot grab the quarter...) Through all of this, he still managed to pay his rent...
The final story line had something to do with Miss Workout Queen volunteering to help Steve (name?) at The Halfway House. Besides being too damn socially aware, she's also scatterbrained and dumps out at the last minute. Steve is not happy, so they spend the rest of the episode arguing until he shows up at her club and shows everyone how badly White Guys dance. Somehow, that solved everything; it was too deep for me. Very disposable filler.
HAR's roommate, Mr. Writer, barely showed up at all. (And when he did show up, he was mostly bare.)
The married couple had this week off, save for a ho-hum plot setup scene with Jake. We'll assume they spent it well...
Texas Gal cemented her role as Street-Smart Cleavage With Legs and Attitude. She skulked around the background of nearly every scene in a pushup bra and little else. Her dialogue remains some bizarre hybrid of Mae West and Grace Jones; it is approaching an art form. The jury is still out on her actual job; waitress is too simple. Count on at least three Meaningful Glances in any scene where she has dialogue...
Happily, no prepubescent pimple-heads from 90210 appeared in this episode.
The married couple are pregnant. (Oh my!)
Meaningful Glances were way down this week, as were Vocabulary words and Pool Scenes. Next week's abortion episode should kick up the M.G. and Angst/Pathos stats.
(Obviously, the writers lost their thesaurus this week.)
"I love the way you bury your nozzle." - Temptress to Jake as he makes Cappucino (Job #2)
"Congratulations on the stock split." - Said by schmoozing HAR to The Client on the phone
"Sometimes I feel like I have to work twice as hard just to prove myself." - Said by client's son to HAR
"The shocks held up pretty good." "So did you..." - Exchange between Jake and Temptress
"Who are you, his [Jake's] secretary?" "I'm a lot of things, honey..." (Temptress stalks off...) "Bitch." - Exchange between Temptress and Texas Gal
"I've always liked you in red." "You've always liked me in bed..." - 9-1/2 Weeks exchange between Jake and Temptress
"Wouldn't life be great if we could hide the bad memories?" - HAR, philosophically reflecting on the intricacies of life...
"There's more to life than advertising..." - Said by HAR at the Halfway House