Trolls

Our party met an ambush by some folk of evil kind.
Roast dwarf with burrahobbit sauce is what they had in mind.
But I came back from scouting and kept them from their goal--
Ventriloquism's handy when you need to trick a troll.
    Three will do no further harm, nor utter vulgar words:
    Tom and Bill and Bert got stoned, and now they're for the birds!

I is a troll in Ankh-Morpork what works da Watch by day.
It not a good idea to be standing in my way.
Dey say dat trolls is stupid, but one sure t'ing I know:
You mess wit' Captain Vimes, you lookin' straight up my crossbow!
    T'ree t'ings to remember good to keep you safe and whole:
    Do not buy from Dibbler, and don't argue wit' a troll.

*The three of us were living on a fair and grassy ridge.
The grass was greener on the hills across the local bridge.
We wanted to get over with our skins all tight and whole
But underneath the bridge there lived a mean and nasty troll.
    Three things to be sure of when the going's getting rough:
    Beat the troll, be sneaky, and be proud your name is Gruff!

A peaceful little valley is the place we call our home.
We always will return to it, no matter where we roam.
But if you met our Ancestor, I bet you'd be surprised:
He lives behind the stove, and he is quite uncivilized.
    Three, besides our many friends, make up our family:
    There's Moominmamma, Moominpappa, and Moomintroll (that's me).

 I post in lots of places, but I never use my name. 
 Though not a Pernese dragon, I'll destroy a thread with flame. 
 You cannot out-debate me, it's futile to resist. 
 The simplest thing to do is to pretend I don't exist. 
     Three ways to oppose me and the venom that I spill: 
     Unmask me, write my ISP, and use the file marked "kill". 

Of all the different kinds of troll, I've only mentioned some.
Not all of them are wicked, and not all of them are dumb.
Not all of them are big or strong, and some of them are real.
They're generally ugly, but a few have some appeal.
    Three more types of troll beside the ones I've named so far:
     Dunsany's, and the fisherman's, and (*) "Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!"