Don't Pick On The Librarian

Don't pick on the Librari-an,
     you surely will be sunk. He
Has long been an orangutan,
     so don't call him a monkey.
His volumes are not lightly lent,
As most of them are sentient.
Don't pick on the Librari-an.
     And mind your manners,
     If on the Discworld you should be
     At Unseen University.

Don't mess with Granny Weatherwax.
     you will not find it pleasant.
If she should contradict the facts
     just nod and answer, "Yes'm."
           "WHATEVER GRANNY SAYS, IS SO."
Urk? That was Death!-- and he should know.
Don't mess with Granny Weatherwax.
     And mind your manners,
     If on the Discworld you should be
     At Unseen University.

Don't underrate the City Guard
     although they may look dumb.
Whenever duty gets too hard
     they haunt the Mended Drum.
(That's metaphorical at most
Till Captain Vimes recruits a ghost.)
Don't underrate the City Guard.
     And mind your manners,
     If on the Discworld you should be
     At Unseen University.

Don't dine on one of Dibbler's pies
     that only cost a dollar.
It's generally thought unwise
     for merchant, thief, or scholar.
Concerning the ingredients
Your safest course is ignorance;
Don't dine on one of Dibbler's pies
     And mind your manners,
     If on the Discworld you should be
     At Unseen University.