Dead Wizards' Houses

One night before bed I was listening to "Estate Sale" over and over again, to transcribe and learn the words. The first thing I picked up to read the next morning was the Dragon Magazine Annual. This was the misbegotten result.

"Estate sale today from noon to half-past-three."
You get the bag of holding, I'll hitch up the team.
Better to be early, they'll be camping on the lawn.
It's not often that a master wizard passes on.

     Going through dead wizards' houses
     Magical things they have collected
     Open the dungeons, vaults, and towers
     Don't leave a portal uninspected

I'll head for the workshop, you check out downstairs
Old scrolls and grimoires to open if you dare
Artifacts and talking teacups, daggers made of glass,
Forty crates of seashells and the mouth of Balaam's ass.

     Going through...

They never made 'em like this
He must've written this spell
She can live right in the furnace
It says "Made in Hell"
It's a First Age relic
and it's solid gold
Vials of iron filings, dragon's blood,
and yellow {mo-o-old         }
           {Going through... }

Tonight we'll go home and sort through our array.
We'll need the genie's help to put it all away.
Half this stuff can go down in the dungeon, 'cause it's clear
we won't be using most of it for several hundred years.

     Going through...

Notes

[artifacts] In AD&D, extremely powerful magical items, usually made by gods.

[portal] Ordinarily a door, especially an impressive one. In AD&D, a gate to another place, time, plane of the universe, or such.

[AD&D] In insurance, "AD&D" means "Accidental Death and Dismemberment". In gaming it means "Advanced Dungeons & Dragons", a game owned and trademarked by TSR, Inc. (or whoever owns them today). Death and dismemberment are common in Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, but they are seldom accidental.

[talking teacups] Cf. Disney's version of Beauty and the Beast.

[daggers made of glass] Cf. "What Good Is a Glass Dagger?", short story by Larry Niven.

[seashells] Cf. Loraan's cellar in Taltos, a novel by Steven Brust.

[mouth of Balaam's ass] In Jewish tradition, one of the seven miraculous objects that were created before the world (because they violate the natural laws of the world). Balaam's donkey spoke to him.

[First Age] Many fantasy histories refer to a "First Age". Probably the most venerable in modern literature is Tolkien's.

[vials of...] In AD&D these ingredients (among many others) are useful in various forms of magic. Dragon's blood is rare, valuable, and difficult and dangerous to come by; iron filings are common, cheap, easy, and safe; and yellow mold is in between.