Billboards

While driving down the road one day
In the merry, merry month of May,
I was taken by surprise
by a placard of great size,
And to my mind this billboard seemed to say...

Newport! Smoking Newport
is like chillin' on the beach with all your crew
and inhaling all the sewage, tar, and goo
that gets stranded at low tide and sticks to you.

Merit! You've got Merit,
emphysema, cancer, high blood pressure too!
All these disabilities belong to you.
When you take up smoking, cigarettes smoke you.

Oh, I'd love to climb a mountain
and find the highest peak.
But I've lost my wind since cigarettes
have ruined my physique.

Oh, I'd love to go out fishing
in a river or a creek.
But my money goes for cigarettes
at thirty bucks a week.

Nicotine can do such harm to you,
the charms of you
are vanishing due to...

Smoking! When you're smoking,
you're as sexy as a three-days-dead raccoon
on a highway on a humid afternoon
in a heat wave in the Everglades in June,
and thank Ghod I'm out of lyrics for this tune!